First of all, I want to apologize to my friends and family and coworkers and colleagues near and far; some (most) of the content of this post may have been (definitely was) borrowed (stolen) from our conversations. Has it really only been a week since we've been asked to practice social distancing? It feels like it's been a year, doesn't it? Americans are the actual worst at being told not to do something, aren't we? We basically invented First World Problems and the first ti